


Back to Black

by Meandsushiroll



Series: The Other Man [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Cheating, M/M, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-10
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-16 03:23:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13627560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meandsushiroll/pseuds/Meandsushiroll
Summary: We only said goodbye with wordsI died a hundred timesYou go back to herAnd I go back toI go back to usAmy WinehouseSequel to my fic The Weekend. Probably best to read that one first. Not a song fic.





	Back to Black

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This is a fic about cheating. There will not be a happy ending.

Kei likes to think that he is a different person than the surly teenager he was in Karasuno. He wasn't anywhere near friendly or personable now,  but his smug, sometimes cruel way of interacting with others had pretty much disappeared in the years after high school. He had gained confidence through volleyball, and lost the chip on his shoulder. 

At least it seemed that way, but considering the situation he was now in, it appeared that a vindictive streak still ran deep in him. That's how he ended up here in this dim, dingy bar sitting across from Kozume Kenma.

 

When he hadn't seen Kuroo in two months he guessed at first Kenma hadn't been out of town. He made due with nudes and the occasional sexting they did late at night. But after a while, the texts had stopped coming too. Kuroo kept saying he was busy, that he would see Kei soon, that he was sorry, the normal excuses. And then those stopped too. 

_Sorry Tsukki, I'm just super swamped right now. I'll let you know when I'm free._

In all of the time they were together, even with Kuroo being with Kenma, it was never like this. Kuroo was never too busy even return his calls. It was if he had dropped off the face of the earth. Kei's pride wouldn't let him call Kuroo and let him know how much he missed him, but as time went on a feeling settled in his gut that told him there something was wrong. This didn't feel like he was just busy, this felt like he was being forgotten. It felt like he was phasing Kei out of his life. 

He was close to breaking and calling him to demand an explanation when Kuroo showed up out of nowhere one Saturday night. Kei was angry with him, of course, but he was also weak. All it took was one of those signature grins and a "I missed you baby" before Kei was face down on his bed, Kuroo behind him trying to fill the void of loneliness he felt the past weeks. He fully intended to confront Kuroo about his radio silence in the morning, but he woke up to an empty bed and empty apartment. He barely had the consciousness to be angry, honestly he was just too tired. Heart numb, he reached for his glasses and found a note underneath.

_So sorry babe, emergency at home. Didn't want to wake you. Promise to make it up to you._

Kei blinked a few times at the paper, hastily written without even a signed name. A cloud outside his window drifted away, leaving the bright morning to shine harshly on the note, on him. It filled his empty apartment, forcing him into the light.

An emergency at home. A home that Kei would never get to have, not with him. A life he would never get to have with him. He didn't even have the weekend anymore. All he had was an empty bed.

An empty life. 

It took him a whole week to make up his mind, but he made choice and sent the text.  He set the time and place and when Kozume confirmed, he felt solid in his resolve. After all, he deserved to see Kuroo as miserable as he was. No, if anything, Kozume deserved to know the truth. 

He was surprised that Kozume was already there waiting for him, drink on the bar. He had also grown since high school, and not just physically. He had only really know him through Kuroo, but the Kozume he remembered faithfully avoided social interaction and probably wouldn't be caught dead in a bar. Let alone come to meet Kei alone, like he requested. Although he was tapping away on his phone, presumably some game, so somethings were the same.

He still had Kuroo's heart, that never changed. 

Kei grit his teeth, trying to stamp down his jealousy. He was the one in the wrong here, he had to remember. He was the one who was going to ruin someone's world.

"Hello Kozume-san." He said as he approached, sitting down next to him and waving down the bartender. Now that he was here, those big, gold eyes looking up at him his confidence was a bit shaken.

"Hello." He greeted back, voice characteriscally quiet. He brought his glass of dark colored liquor to his lips and took a sip. Kei had to admit on what a beautiful man he was. Smooth skin, long eyelashes, and of course those eyes. He no longer colored his hair like he did in high school, but he kept it long and braided in a low ponytail, making all he features stand out more.

He had also grown a few more centimeters and broadened out a bit, but more than that he had grown into himself. He'd always been cute, pretty even when you got close enough to look at his face, but it seemed he arrived in the adult world comfortable in his own skin. Not for the first time Kei felt the cold burn of jealousy in his chest. He swallowed.

"I'm sure you want to know why I called you here." He said, trying to keep his mind on track.  However he may look now, Kei was about to bring a storm to Kozune's life. He was goinf to find out his husband has been unfaithful for not only two years of their marriage, but even before then. Kei felt a knot his stomach form. He needed to hurry, to just get this over with.

"You want to talk about Kuro." He stated, face unmoving. 

That shouldn't have taken him by surprise, Kozume was always very perceptive, and the two of them didn't really have anything else in common. But it didn't so much to soothe his nerves. 

"Well, er, yes. Kuroo. Yes." Kei paused, taking a breath, the resolve he felt a few moments ago crumbling. Kozume just looked at him with those same eyes. "Well you see I wanted to say... that is I wanted to tell you something, um..." Damnit, since when was Kozume so intimidating? 

Kei's had practiced this, he knew what he was supposed to say.  _Your husband and I have been having an affair. We began sleeping together in my first year of college and kept on going for three years. I knew you were together, I knew it was wrong but I couldn't stop. But then you moved in together, and I couldn't handle it and we stopped. But then we started up again a few months after you got married. It was wrong, but I'm not sorry. I'm sorry I'm not, but I love him. And I can't stop. I just thought you should know the truth._

He had practiced those lines over and over again in his mind, even out loud. But his voice was failing him now. Kozume just looked at him, an awkward, expectant silence settling between them. He furrowed his brows just a bit, an unreadable expression on his face. 

_Maybe I should get a drin-_

"Did you come to tell me you are sleeping with Kuro?"

Kei's heart stopped in his chest.  _What did he just say?_

Kozume's face was calm, stable, as if he hadn't accused Kei of ruining his marriage. Kei's eyes widened behind his glasses, wheels turning in his head. He took in a breath, voice shaky,  "You...you knew?"

Kozume tilted his head in confusion, frowning a bit more. "He never told you?"

The knot in his stomach seemed to get heavier, spreading to his throat. Kei shook his head, slowly, speechless. 

Kozume's eyebrows shot up, and let out a disbelieving  breath through his nose. "I've always known Tskuishima."

"But...how?" Kei hears the words coming out of his mouth, but he doesn't remember his lips moving. His racked his brain, trying to think back. Had he given himself away? Did he leave marks? When? In college? After? Did he really know everything? Did he know when it started, or just when it started back up again?

"Kuro told me, of course. I have always known about you. And the others."

Others. 

There were others. 

Kei felt a new type of sickness forming in his stomach, a familiar combination of humiliation and anger. He'd felt it at Kuroo's birthdays, Karasuno-Nekoma reunion games, at his wedding. Whenever he and Kenma were together in front of him. The feeling of someone you love having someone else. He supposed he couldn't be too surprised. A man with Kuroo's sex drive not getting his fix on the side for two months? The thought had crossed his mind, but he quickly stomped it down. Kuroo had Kenma and him, he shouldn't need anyone else, he though. He was just busy. 

Kei cursed himself, cursed his heart for somehow still being so naive. Of course he wasn't the only one. 

Kozume was watching him, watching him collapse inward, and narrowed his eyes. "You called me here today to punish him, didn't you? You thought I didn't know and wanted me to be upset with him. You want to hurt him. And me."

Kei winced. He knew that was what he was doing, but hearing Kozume saying it out loud felt like a blow. It was the truth, but it wasn't that simple.

"Yes I did." he said. Why deny it? They came this far, might as well cross the bridge. "But I also wanted you to know the truth. You deserve that. What we were doing is wrong."  He tried to keep the bitterness out of his voice and failed. He couldn't help it. Kuroo had lied to him all this time, held the truth from him. Kei knew he wasn't going to leave Kenma, he knew Kuroo loved him too much. Kenma came first. Always.

But believed, at least, Kuroo loved him too. That he was the only other lover in his life, that he was special. That if things with Kenma fell apart, he would turn to Kei's arms. It was the reason why he came today, the truth he would have given Kozume would set Kuroo free. And instead, his vindictive streak led him to a place where karma was waiting. He should have known he would be the one leaving with his heart shattered.  

Kozume stared at him for a while, as if he could see into his very soul with those large, golden eyes. The two sat in silence until Kozume sat backward in his chair and then looked down into his drink. 

"I've loved Kuro for as long as I can remember. Since we here children." he paused, taking a breath."And he loves me. As cliche as it sounds, I believe we were born into this world to find each other." He made an amused noise and wrinkled his nose, "I can't believe I just said that. I think he's rubbing off on me."

It made Kei ache, hearing these words, hearing about the man he loved loving someone else. But he knew it was the truth, that Kozume was repaying his honesty with his own. Hell, his heart was already broken wasn't it? 

"But he and I are different. He has needs, urges that I don't. I never have. But I need to be alone more than he does. So he has lovers, I have my space, and we follow the rules we agreed on. I knew I didn't want sex back in high school, but I uncomfortable with the idea with him being so close with anyone else. I tried for a long time to be something I'm not to be what I thought he me needed to be. But I was wrong, he just wanted me as I was."  a small smile formed on his face before he flicked his gaze at Kei. "You were the first one we was with, when we were still figuring it out. He asked, and I gave him permission. He told me when you stopped and when you started back up again too. I know he spends some of my weekends away with you. There are no secrets between us. " 

There was that jealousy again, flaring white hot and this time untamed by shame. What he mean by some of his weekends away? He tried to keep his face neutral, already too vulnerable, but he know Kozume saw right through him. 

"He's been seeing someone new recently hasn't he?" he asked, sounding much calmer than he felt.  

"That is something you should talk wih Kuro about, not me."

Of course. Kozume wouldn't tell him about Kuroo's other lovers. They were a team, together. He was on the outside, and if Kuroo didn't tell Kei himself he wasn't important was he?

Throat tight, he can't do anything but nod. All of a sudden, he felt sick.  The betrayal, the bar, Kozume's calm, blank face,  Kozume himself. He couldn't breathe.

"I have to go." he says quickly, making Kozume's eyebrows raise. He stands up a little too quickly, rattling the ice cubes from Kozume's drink on the bar. He had to get out of here, it was too much.

Kei made to move, to get out, when he felt a hand on his arm. He turned to find Kozume looking directly up at him.

"He should have told you. I don't why he didn't after all this time." he paused, seeming unsure about what to say. "You should talk to him."

Kei laughed humorlessly. Here he was, the other man, getting relationship advice from his lover's husband. "Thanks." he says bitterly, slipping his arm away. "for your time". 

Kozume's touch lingers on his skin even through his clothes and eyes holding so much pity it's cruel. He of all people understands what it's like to love Kuroo, to be desperately caught in the web of sweet words and rough hands. He understands what Kei is losing, what he's lost hope for, and Kei can't stand it. He leaves the bar as quickly as his legs can take him, away from this mistake he'd made and away from those eyes. Kei has never felt so transparent in his life. He feels completely understood by Kozume, deeper even than the way he thought Kuroo understood him, and he hated it. He hated him for it. He hated both of them for it. 

  


Somehow, Kei finds himself in front of apartment. It's dark now, so he must of walked, but he can't remember. He doesn't remember the sun setting or the steps he took, all he could think of Kuroo. Kuroo's obnoxious laugh, his forever messy hair, his sharp provoking tongue. Always making Kei always come second, parading Kozume around in front of him, and now the lies. Every pain, every weekend, every cold Sunday night. How thoughtless, selfish, and greedy of a man he was. How Kei loves him so much he can't breathe. 

Kei finds himself in his face down in his bed again, shoes off and naked, but this time completely alone. And really, hasn't he been all this time? He stares at the empty corner of his room, not bothering to turn on the light, he knew he nothing was there. Nothing ever really was.  

His phone rings in his jacket pocket by the door, the special ringtone he used for one person. A call today, a weekday. Two hours ago he would have jumped at the sound, eager to tell Kuroo off for his neglect but weak and just as ready to make up. Two weeks ago it would have filled him with excitement and hope. Two months ago Kei would have been over the moon. 

_"I've always known about you. And the others."_

_"We were born into this world to find each other."_

_"There are no secrets between us."_

He turns away, hands over his ears, curling into a ball. The ringer goes on and on and on, Kuroo was probably calling him more than once. Well there's a first time for everything isn't there? 

After an eon it seems to end and he closes his eyes and lets the numbness take over. 

He falls into a dreamless sleep, to exhausted to even cry. 

_We only said goodbye with words_  
_I died a hundred times_  
_You go back to her_  
_And I go back to_

_Black_

**Author's Note:**

> Lemme know what you think?


End file.
